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HIRED ASSASSIN LEAGUE |
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| BULLETIN #128 -- SUMMER 2026 |
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| Card 1: Held in Portland (Attendance: 553) |
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EDGE: Mr. Diehard John McClane won over Stink Boy in 11 at 1:32 (Brainbuster) by 102.
SOS: The Zombie Princess destroyed EDGE: Martin the Fly Brundle at 19:32 (Scorpion Deathlock) by 7 (Guest Referee: Lefty O'Hooligan).
COT: Mammoth Machine pinned Duffy Wolfe in 6 at 1:28 (Flying Dropkick) by 104.
SOS: The Zombie Court Jester defeated VIRUS: Hammer at 19:39 (Scorpion Deathlock) by 9.
IMT/67: The New Normal drew SOS: The Zombie Prince at 3:47 (No Contest).
Main event: EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay destroyed SOS: The Zombie Prince at 56:20 (Pimp Slap) by 2. |
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| Card 2: Held in Mentor-on-the-Lake (Attendance: 834) |
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EDGE: Mr. Diehard John McClane over Stink Man in 1 at 3:53 (Count Out).
SOS: The Zombie Princess destroyed SOS: The Zombie Prince at 20:50 (Scorpion Deathlock) by 9 (non-title).
EDGE: Mr. Diehard John McClane won over Curt Gold in 6 at 4:13 (Ankle Lock) by 79.
SOS: The Zombie Court Jester overpowered SOS: The Zombie Prince at 20:59 (Scorpion Deathlock) by 7 (Guest Referee: "Burnout Boy" Bobby Baker).
IMT/67: Flatten the Curve tied SOS: The Zombie Prince at 29:51 (No Contest).
Main event: IMT/67: Ching Chong Jones pinned EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay at 43:45 (#1 A-1 Chinese Wok) by 3. |
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| Card 3: Held in the Bronx (Attendance: 621) |
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EDGE: Mr. Diehard John McClane destroyed Bob in 6 at 6:52 (Ankle Lock) by 91.
East Coast title: EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers pinned SOS: The Zombie Knight at 28:57 (The Preppy Killer) by 1.
EDGE: Mr. Diehard John McClane won over Charlie Ford in 6 at 0:49 (Ankle Lock) by 110.
SOS: The Zombie Knight destroyed SOS: The Zombie Prince at 27:44 (Scorpion Deathlock) by 5.
IMT/67: Ching Chong Jones and Flatten the Curve* won over "Clever" Cliff Cleaver* and Fred Brown in 6 at 2:34 (Ankle Lock) by 60.
Main event: SOS: The Zombie Knight tied IMT/67: Ching Chong Jones at 37:19 (No Contest). |
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| Card 4: Held in Rapid City (Attendance: 403) |
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EDGE: Mr. Diehard John McClane over Wally Brick in 1 at 8:20 (Count Out).
EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers pinned SOS: The Zombie Prince at 24:19 (The Preppy Killer) by 6.
EDGE: Mr. Diehard John McClane won over Dr. Blank in 6 at 1:36 (Ankle Lock) by 107.
SOS: The Zombie King annihilated VIRUS: "Under Contract" Anderson Silva at 27:31 (Scorpion Deathlock) by 1.
IMT/67: Ching Chong Jones and Flatten the Curve* tied VIRUS: "Under Contract" Quentin Jackson and "Under Contract" Anderson Silva* at 4:52 (Double Count Out).
Main event: IMT/67: Ching Chong Jones won over VIRUS: "Under Contract" Georges St-Pierre at 35:57 (#1 A-1 Chinese Wok) by 5. |
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| Card 5: Held in New Delhi (Attendance: 769) |
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EDGE: Mr. Diehard John McClane annihilated The Fishy Fisherman in 6 at 3:20 (Ankle Lock) by 68.
IMT/67: Ching Chong Jones won over Drew Blood in 6 at 3:29 (Crescent Kick) by 79.
EDGE: Mr. Diehard John McClane destroyed Tim McCormick in 6 at 0:49 (Ankle Lock) by 109.
SOS: The Zombie King overpowered SOS: The Zombie Prince at 28:43 (Scorpion Deathlock) by 3.
IMT/67: We Are In This Together, The New Normal, and Virtue Signaling Male Karen the 13th* over "Burnout Boy" Bobby Baker, Evil Evan*, and Steve Shields in 4 at 4:41 (Disqualification: used steel chair).
Main event: SOS: The Zombie Princess destroyed IMT/67: Ching Chong Jones at 49:55 (Scorpion Deathlock) by 4. |
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| Card 6: Held in San Francisco (Attendance: 829) |
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VIRUS: "Under Contract" Quentin Jackson pinned Neil B. Formee in 11 at 2:30 (Atomic Leg Drop) by 130.
VIRUS: "Under Contract" Quentin Jackson pinned SOS: The Zombie Prince at 27:58 (Scorpion Deathlock) by 2 (street fight).
EDGE: Mr. Diehard John McClane over Dandy Davis in 2 at 23:41 (Disqualification: refused to break choke).
Great Lakes title: SOS: The Zombie Queen overpowered VIRUS: "Under Contract" Georges St-Pierre at 15:04 (Scorpion Deathlock) by 7 (Guest Referee: SOS/AI: The Spaceman).
IMT/67: We Are In This Together, The New Normal, and Virtue Signaling Male Karen the 13th* over COT: Shadow Machine, Jurassic Machine, and Mammoth Machine* in 13 at 28:57 (Count Out).
Main event: SOS: The Zombie Princess decked SOS: The Zombie Court Jester at 49:56 (Scorpion Deathlock) by 2. |
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| Card 7: Held in Antwerp (Attendance: 380) |
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EDGE: Mr. Diehard John McClane overpowered Neil B. Formee in 6 at 3:21 (Ankle Lock) by 72.
EDGE: Mr. Diehard John McClane outmuscled Peter Lawler in 6 at 0:42 (Ankle Lock) by 106.
EDGE: Mr. Diehard John McClane bested Outlaw Ben Slick in 6 at 0:40 (Ankle Lock) by 106.
SOS: The Zombie Queen decked SOS: The Zombie Prince at 17:38 (Scorpion Deathlock) by 7 (Guest Referee: Frank N. Stein).
Main event: SOS: The Zombie Princess won over IMT/67: Flatten the Curve at 20:48 (Scorpion Deathlock) by 9. |
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| Card 8: Held in Rio de Janeiro (Attendance: 514) |
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EDGE: Mr. Diehard John McClane over "Burnout Boy" Bobby Baker in 1 at 12:35 (Count Out).
EDGE: Mr. Diehard John McClane overpowered Jimmy Roth in 6 at 2:30 (Ankle Lock) by 74.
COT: Mammoth Machine annihilated Outlaw Ben Slick in 6 at 2:50 (Flying Dropkick) by 103.
IMT/67: Ching Chong Jones outmuscled SOS: The Zombie Prince at 28:46 (#1 A-1 Chinese Wok) by 5.
Main event: SOS: The Zombie Princess overpowered COT: Mammoth Machine at 31:35 (Scorpion Deathlock) by 5. |
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| Card 9: Held in Franklin Township (Attendance: 578) |
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EDGE: Mr. Diehard John McClane over The Greater Cheese Grater in 1 at 4:31 (Count Out).
EDGE: Mr. Diehard John McClane decked Steve Shields in 6 at 1:03 (Ankle Lock) by 126.
EDGE: Mr. Diehard John McClane defeated IMT/67: Ching Chong Jones at 29:41 (RV is Toast) by 4 (non-title).
EDGE: 976-EVIL pinned VIRUS: "Under Contract" Georges St-Pierre at 29:09 (Evil Calls) by 5.
Main event: SOS: The Zombie Princess outmuscled EDGE: Bloodsport Frank Dux at 25:04 (Scorpion Deathlock) by 6. |
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| Card 10: Held in Leeds (Attendance: 539) |
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EDGE: Mr. Diehard John McClane bested "Clever" Cliff Cleaver in 6 at 6:31 (Ankle Lock) by 63.
EDGE: Mr. Diehard John McClane outmuscled Phil Dukes in 6 at 5:33 (Ankle Lock) by 91.
EDGE: Mr. Diehard John McClane destroyed Professor Wrassle in 6 at 1:34 (Ankle Lock) by 100.
VIRUS: "Under Contract" Georges St-Pierre tied IMT/67: The New Normal (Time Limit).
Main event: SOS: The Zombie Princess decked VIRUS: "Under Contract" Max Holloway at 39:25 (Scorpion Deathlock) by 8. |
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| Card 11: Held in Bahrain (Attendance: 252) |
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EDGE: Mr. Diehard John McClane defeated Kevin "The Cardshark" Kings in 8 at 4:19 (Crescent Kick) by 94.
EDGE: Mr. Diehard John McClane over Mike Taylor in 1 at 1:42 (Count Out).
EDGE: Mr. Diehard John McClane bested Henry O. in 6 at 2:39 (Ankle Lock) by 108.
VIRUS: "Under Contract" Georges St-Pierre drew SOS: The Zombie Prince at 10:03 (Double Disqualification).
Main event: SOS: The Zombie Princess destroyed SOS: The Zombie King at 23:46 (Scorpion Deathlock) by 6. |
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| Card 12: Held in Hartford (Attendance: 734) |
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EDGE: Mr. Diehard John McClane decked Frank's Friend Kyle in 6 at 3:44 (Ankle Lock) by 71.
EDGE: Mr. Diehard John McClane outmuscled Fred Brown in 6 at 2:03 (Ankle Lock) by 137.
TV title: EDGE: Mr. Diehard John McClane won over SOS: The Zombie Prince at 22:28 (RV is Toast) by 9.
COT: Super Ghost Machine decked SOS: The Zombie Prince at 29:13 (Elrod Oil Check) by 2.
Main event: SOS: The Zombie Princess won over IMT/67: The New Normal at 17:32 (Scorpion Deathlock) by 9. |
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| Card 13: Held in Cleveland (Attendance: 716) |
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EDGE: Mr. Diehard John McClane outmuscled Al the Hacksaw in 12 at 2:40 (Boston Crab) by 149.
COT: Mammoth Machine beat Fred Brown in 6 at 2:06 (Flying Dropkick) by 134.
Southeast title: IMT/67: Virtue Signaling Male Karen the 13th pinned EDGE: Bloodsport Frank Dux at 27:45 (12th Booster) by 2.
Rocky Mountains title: IMT/67: We Are In This Together pinned COT: Mammoth Machine at 29:59 (The Cycle of Death) by 1.
Main event: EDGE: Mr. Diehard John McClane drew SOS: The Zombie Princess at 10:22 (No Contest). |
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| Card 14: Held in Omaha (Attendance: 952) |
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Pacific Northwest title: VIRUS: "Under Contract" BJ Penn bested IMT/67: Flatten the Curve at 28:35 (Scorpion Deathlock) by 5 (ladder).
EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay destroyed Fred Brown in 6 at 1:57 (Ankle Lock) by 137 (non-title).
EDGE: Bloodsport Frank Dux annihilated VIRUS: Hammer at 28:57 (Scorpion Deathlock) by 5.
COT: Mammoth Machine bested SOS: The Zombie Prince at 27:14 (Mammoth Thumb to the Eye) by 4.
Main event: SOS: The Zombie Princess annihilated EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers at 48:07 (Scorpion Deathlock) by 3. |
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| Card 15: Held in Barcelona (Attendance: 519) |
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VIRUS: "Under Contract" BJ Penn overpowered SOS: The Zombie Prince at 29:59 (Scorpion Deathlock) by 5.
SOS: The Zombie Prince defeated Fred Brown in 6 at 2:56 (Turnbuckle Smash) by 134 (non-title).
EDGE: Bloodsport Frank Dux pinned SOS: The Zombie Prince at 27:40 (Scorpion Deathlock) by 3.
EDGE: Martin the Fly Brundle pinned SOS: The Zombie Prince at 28:52 (Fly Trap) by 2.
Main event: SOS: The Zombie Princess decked COT: Super Ghost Machine at 27:49 (Scorpion Deathlock) by 7 (Guest Referee: Outlaw Ben Slick). |
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| Card 16: Held in Macon (Attendance: 260) |
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VIRUS: "Under Contract" Max Holloway decked SOS: The Zombie Prince at 27:10 (Scorpion Deathlock) by 1.
EDGE: Mr. Diehard John McClane decked Duffy Wolfe in 6 at 0:39 (Ankle Lock) by 107.
SOS: The Zombie Court Jester destroyed IMT/67: Flatten the Curve at 19:16 (Scorpion Deathlock) by 7 (non-title) (Guest Referee: Outlaw Ben Slick).
EDGE: 976-EVIL annihilated SOS: The Zombie Prince at 28:20 (Evil Calls) by 5.
Main event: SOS: The Zombie Princess annihilated EDGE: 976-EVIL at 28:05 (Scorpion Deathlock) by 4. |
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| Battle Royal: Held in Tampa (Attendance: 871) |
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VIRUS: "Under Contract" Quentin Jackson gained $1,000 when he got flung into the audience by VIRUS: "Under Contract" Georges St-Pierre.
VIRUS: Hammer got $1,100 after he was flung into the audience by VIRUS: "Under Contract" Anderson Silva.
VIRUS: "Under Contract" Georges St-Pierre took home $1,200 after he got catapulted out of the ring by IMT/67: Ching Chong Jones.
VIRUS: "Under Contract" Max Holloway earned $1,300 when he got catapulted out by IMT/67: Ching Chong Jones.
VIRUS: "Under Contract" BJ Penn made $1,400 after VIRUS: "Under Contract" Anderson Silva tossed him onto the announcer's table.
VIRUS: "Under Contract" Anderson Silva gained $1,500 after he was catapulted over the turnbuckle by IMT/67: Ching Chong Jones.
IMT/67: Ching Chong Jones won the HAL battle royal and the $30,000 prize. |
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